First of all I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all of the well wishes, prayers and virtual hugs you have sent during this most difficult time in my life! You have helped me through this more than you will ever know! I had my phone attached to my left hand for three days just waiting for another comment, another prayer, another friend reaching out to me. No one knows what to say in times like these but please know what you did say was just what I needed to hear and anything at all was so much better than nothing. So again, THANK YOU! I wish I had the appropriate words to say just how appreciative I am!
Now for the update. We met with our OB yesterday just to get some questions answered. We learned some new things about Anencephaly, such as 75% of the babies do not make it full term because their hearts stop beating. We have our L2 ultrasound tomorrow morning first thing, then will meet with a specialist to go over the US and discuss all of our options in more depth.
Just because I want to get a few things off my chest I’m going to write about them now but please feel free to stop reading this now if you don’t want to be saddened by what I say. I’m needing an outlet and unfortunately for you this is it.
First, I feel like a fraud when I take my pre-natal vitamin and when I get dressed in maternity clothes. Something in me says “why are you doing this? Does it really matter anymore?” Thank goodness my yoga pants still fit/stretch enough to wear and my old t-shirts and sweatshirts are big enough to cover so when I have nowhere to go I wear those.
Next, I don’t blame God. Some people going through difficult times blame God and ask why He would do this to them. I don’t. He wouldn’t! This is nature taking its course and God has not ‘done’ this to us. He is here to give us strength and help us through this, not put us through this.
I guess for now that is it. Wasn’t that bad after all. I somehow feel mostly at peace with this, maybe because I know there is no changing it and I have to heal and be strong for my family.
One more time I will say THANK YOU for all of the support, prayers and hugs! You are all so amazing to me! There have been many times I’ve wondered why I am writing this blog, now I know it was because I would need your support during this most difficult time. Love to you all!